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Friday Jokes

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Friday Jokes

Postby Auntie Merge » Fri Sep 01, 2017 12:08 pm

Anyone got any jokes? Not excessively rude ones please.
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Re: Friday Jokes

Postby BB-Dagger » Fri Sep 01, 2017 8:22 pm

Transfer window now closed, Liverpool fans are unhappy they didn't get Bale but they're back in court again Monday to try again.
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Re: Friday Jokes

Postby The Romford Dagger » Sun Sep 03, 2017 5:50 am

It's national awareness day next week. I had no idea.
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Re: Friday Jokes

Postby Auntie Merge » Fri Sep 08, 2017 11:07 pm

:D

Alfred, the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, is taking a stroll down his local high street. As he passes by the record shop, a sign catches his eye. "Just Released - New LP - Wasps of the World & the sounds that they make - available now"

Unable to resist the temptation, Alfred goes into the shop. "I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make. I'd very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the window."

"Certainly, Sir," says the young man behind the counter. "If you'd like to step into the booth and put on the headphones, I'll put the LP on for you."

Alfred, the world's leading expert on European wasps, goes into the booth and puts on the earphones.

Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth and announces, "I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I recognized none of those."

"I'm sorry Sir," says the young assistant. "If you'd care to step into the booth, I can let you have another 10 minutes."

Alfred, the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds they make, steps back into the booth and replaces the headphones. Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth shaking his head. "I don't understand it," he says, "I am the worlds leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, and yet I still can't recognise any of those!"

"I really am terribly sorry," says the young assistant, "I've just realised I was playing you the bee side!"
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Re: Friday Jokes

Postby BB-Dagger » Fri Sep 15, 2017 4:58 pm

I was just sitting down on the bed last night pulling my boxers off and my wife said.......

You spoil those dogs :o
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Re: Friday Jokes

Postby BB-Dagger » Fri Sep 29, 2017 1:19 pm

Former US President George W Bush gets out of his helicopter in front of the White House carrying a baby pig under each arm. The marine guard snaps to attention, salutes and says, "Nice pigs, sir." Indignant, Dubya replies, "These are not pigs, these are Texan Razorback Hogs. I got one for President Trump, and I got one for the Attorney General Jefferson Sessions." The marine snaps to attention again, salutes and says: "Nice trade, sir."
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Re: Friday Jokes

Postby The Romford Dagger » Mon Oct 02, 2017 10:05 pm

It's not a Friday but fück it:

There's only three types of people: those that can count and those that can't.
Last edited by The Romford Dagger on Fri Dec 08, 2017 10:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Friday Jokes

Postby Auntie Merge » Mon Oct 02, 2017 11:05 pm

10 green bottles standing on the wall
10 green bottles standing on the wall
And if one green bottle should accidentally fall

I'd have to clear up the mess and buy another green bottle .......... man OCD sucks
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Re: Friday Jokes

Postby Auntie Merge » Thu Dec 07, 2017 1:41 pm

My friend can only sleep on stacks of magazines.
He’s got back issues.
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